What the heck??!!!

Sometimes you just want to leave and never come back. Sometimes you're sick of everything, you're fed up and angry with the entire world. This is one of these days... and I feel hopeless and helpless and lonely, though so many people are around. I don't know, maybe I feel homesick.. afer all it's Christmas and I'm Here, not There. But maybe it's just an excuse. Or maybe not... Anyway, I feel so grateful that I can just put a picture here so you know how I feel today...

I'm sure I'll be much better tomorrow...

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A manifest.

So it's Wednesday today. Middle of the week. Cannot wait for the weekend to come since the amount of stress that has been in the air recenly just reached it's peak, I think. And the worst is that it's not only work but things that break at home all of a sudden (the microwave oven doesn't work, the gas tank that we use to cook and to warm up the water in bathroom stopped functioning properly AGAIN), films that I watch that talk about killing, the end of the world, inexplicable events (The Happening), no luck when looking for a parking space in the morning. Plus this meeting with the boss today who told us about sth like 90 students coming here in May-July period... It will be a loooong, exhausting summer, I can feel it.

Well, of course it cannot be always perfect. there are good days and bad days. Well, the former have been going on for too long I think. That's why I'm saying ENOUGH! Enough bad words and news, noisy people, stressful mornings and boring films. Let's say Hello to openess, tolerance, smile, laugh, wisdom, courtesy, politeness, good manners, education, witty jokes, brilliant films, good friends, positive thinking, optimism, culture, art, beautiful dreams and peace.

I promise myself and anyone here that I'll do my best not to get angry or stressed from tomorrow. I'll do my best to smile more often and to count to ten before uttering some dirty words (which, I confess, I have been overusing recently).

I'll do my best so please keep your fingers crossed

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.. a day like these...

This week has been a very stressul one. It's all about work, time (never enough to do all the things you need to or want to do), tiredness (in order for me to feel good I need at least 8.5-9 h of sleep per night which is hardly ever doable), deadlines, classes, correction of homework, etc.... Plus this week one of my colleagues has come down with a flu and doesn't come to work and so we need to substitute her all this time... which means of course cancelling my private classes, postponing and then having to recuperate them etc...

Then on Monday another thing happened. At my school we take turns to keep the Emergency cell phone in case a REAL emergency happens to students and the school is closed or they're away for a weekend for instance. This week is my turn to have this phone. So on Monday I came back home from work at 4.00 p.m. and at 5 I started my private lessons. Usually I put my cell phone on the silent mode so that I am not disturbed by anyone (I ask the same of my students). But I cannot turn off or put on the silent mode the Emergency phone... And so at 18.55 the phone rings (I started my last class 25 mins earlier and was supposed to finish at 19.30). That was my colleague, who told me that there's this student who is having diarrhea and a stomachache who had come back from Egypt 3 days before and who didn't want to call us or tell us about his problems before because he had thought he would feel better with time. So I said to my colleague: "Can he wait sth like 30 mins so that I can come to school and take him to the hospital?" My collague (who I like a lot but who very often tends to exaggerate and to make a mountain out of a molehill) said that it was absolutely impossible and that in that situation she would close the school (which normally closes at 20.00) and take the student to the hospital. Well, my mistake was to agree on that (my position at school is higher than hers so I had to give the final decision). I finished my class at 19.30 and immediately called my colleague to find out what was going on. She said she was in the hospital with the student waiting for his turn to see the doctor. What's worse it's the same collague who came down with the flu. In fact she felt terrible and had a fever the whole day on Monday and so by (maybe involuntarily) making a victim, she made me feel even guiltier about all this situation. On the other hand I did everything I was supposed to do- I answered the phone and proposed to come in 30-40 mins after the phone call. It wasn't even a REAl emergency, he wasn't bleeding or suffocating. And if he was, I would immediately call 118 and ask for the ambulance to come and take him. We're not doctors after all! Besides, having an emergency phone does not mean that you cannot have any post-work activities, hobbies, pastimes or that you should stay at home ready and alert.

So today I talked to the director and explained my point of view. It's really difficult to know how to behave in such situations. I know my boss relies on me and trusts me so I would never like to disappoint her or to think of me as of a person who doesn't care. We agreed on having a meeting next week (after my colleague comes back) and prepare a list of procedures and indications about what to do and how to behave in such situations.

I'm glad to have discussed it with my boss. I feel relieved. I know I didn't commit any serious mistake but I wanted to clear it.

But, to finish off, some good news. Finally today at 9.00 p.m. we are having a meeting with our neighbours from the building to talk about reparation of this famous hole that soon will become sooo big that the postman will fall into it when leaving the mail... there's also the problem of the sewage system that needs some maintenance... It all costs a lot but on the other hand the value of the appartment goes up.

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Thoughts and plans

Yesterday there was my bf's Dad's birthday party. There was this delicious dinner (my bf's Mum is a wonderful cook), we had an antipasto (appetizer): a big tagliere of salumi e formaggi, and then this exquisite lasagne with vegetables.... and as a dessert... Tiramisù!!! Mmmmm everything was delicious... Then we handed in the presents. There were two books regarding some concepts of philosophy (my bf's Dad is a great "supporter" of Aristotle, he loves reading about the history of thought, he's very much into the philosophical and logical inquiry, etc), and some "graded reader" fiction books in English + CDs that I prepared for him. I have taken some pics from that evening which I'll try to put here this evening.

The next thing I'm thinking about today is my parents' coming here to Sicily for 1-2 weeks in the summer (July probably). It would be the second time in Sicily for them (the first time they came here 2 years ago) and I really would love to make their stay pleasant and memorable. This was the idea last time as well. Unfortunately it didn't entirely pull off.. There were some misunderstandings and we fell out quite often... We quarrelled over some very trivial, unimportant things. I suppose I wanted this vacation to be so perfect that I created this overwhelming sensation of pressure and was stressed out all that time (when the bus didn't come on time, when the hotel I wanted to take them to was fully booked, etc...). So now I wanted to make up for my behaviour, forget about the past and put my mind at ease... I mean hopefully. If they come. So today I will start searching for the plane tickets...

Then I'm considering using my scooter again from April instead of my Smart since there will be this huge event taking place in the district where I work, i.e. G8 Environment Ministers' Meeting (April 22-24). I can imagine that all the main streets will be closed for the regular traffic and it will be impossible to find even a tiny (my car is really small) parking space. In this period it's already difficult beacuse they're preparing the districts: road works everywhere, buildings are being reconstructed, refurbished, renovated, etc.. there's lots of dust and noise.

That is what I'm thinking about today. Now, though I need to start thinking about work : ) Hope to come back later on and put the pics. Speak to you soon. Jo.

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